He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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