I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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