small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
