Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
