his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
