Screwed.edu
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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