So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
