Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
