I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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