i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
