what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
