I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
