Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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