saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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