his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
