Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's like heaven, but drunker
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
