I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
