The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
