God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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