very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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