Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sober January is a disaster.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
