Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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