Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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