Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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