I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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