sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
