he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
