I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
