Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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