We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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