Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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