we have officially lost it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
