If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
