goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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