Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
