I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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