hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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