I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
