Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
