So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
