Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
