That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
