We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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