when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
