susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my shit smells like andre
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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