I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
