i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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