Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
