You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
