I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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