do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
