either way he was missing a nipple.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
