He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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